They Do Not Want Your Help. They Want Control.
Why autonomy, not persuasion, is the real currency in sales
Most sales advice sounds like this:
Build rapport.
Uncover pain.
Show value.
Ask for the close.
But what if the buyer never wanted your value in the first place?
What if they just wanted control?
Here is what no one tells you about humans:
We would rather fail on our own terms than succeed on someone else’s.
We say we want solutions.
But what we really want is to stay in the driver’s seat.
That is autonomy.
And people will protect it at all costs.
You have seen this in every deal that goes sideways.
The prospect books the call.
Engages with the problem.
Smiles at the demo.
Then disappears without explanation.
Why?
Because they felt you started to take control.
You started making decisions for them.
Framing next steps.
Owning the path.
Even with the best intentions,
You took the wheel, and they let go.
A hostage negotiator once said,
"People would rather die than be told what to do."
It turns out
that this is not just a SWAT team insight.
It is the sales truth.
Every time you push
even gently,
they feel it.
Every time you tell them what makes sense,
what is logical,
what other clients have done...
They hear:
"I know better than you."
And that violates the deepest part of the human operating system.
Autonomy.
So, what do you do instead?
You give them the space to own the decision.
You invite resistance instead of avoiding it.
You say things like:
"This may not be a fit."
"You’re free to walk away."
"What do you want to do next?"
"What would you need to see to move forward on your own terms?"
You use tactical empathy.
Not to lower defences,
but to hand them back the wheel.
Real influence is not about being convincing.
It is about making them feel like it was their idea.
Because buyers do not move when you build logic.
They move when they feel free.
P.S.
You cannot force someone to buy.
You can only let them choose to.
The Buyer Shrink
🛋️ Guilty until proven innocent