Why Buyers Pull Away When You Lean In
Pendulum theory and the psychology of emotion, and decision making
Sales does not move in a straight line.
It swings.
The more pressure you apply,
the more the buyer pulls away.
That is not rejection.
That is the pendulum at work.
Push too hard,
and the buyer retreats.
Not because you are wrong,
But because they need to reclaim control.
This is where most sellers lose the deal.
They hear interest and mistake it for intent.
They get hopeful.
They start pitching.
They schedule the next steps before trust is built.
The buyer says, “This looks great.”
The rep leans in.
Hard.
With enthusiasm.
With logic.
With a closing mindset.
What they do not realise is this
When someone is in a heightened emotional state:
excited,
optimistic,
impressed,
they are not ready to decide.
That is adrenaline.
Not alignment.
It feels good.
But it is not real yet.
The right move in that moment is to slow down.
Not speed up.
To move left.
Not right.
Take them gently toward discomfort.
Toward the uncertainty they are trying not to feel.
Ask what most sellers avoid:
“How are you currently handling this?”
“What changed recently to make this a priority?”
“How long has this been going on?”
“Have you tried solving it before?”
“What happened?”
“You have been living with it until now, why explore change today?”
“What happens if you do nothing?”
These questions do not create tension.
They reveal it.
And tension is not the problem.
Tension is the signal that you are getting closer to something real.
The same applies when the buyer is in a negative state:
guarded,
skeptical,
checked out.
Most sellers try to fix it.
They rush to reestablish value.
They say things like “Let me show you something else,”
or “This might help.”
But when someone is negative,
they do not want a solution.
They want to feel understood.
Go deeper.
Not broader.
Stay with the discomfort.
Explore it with them.
Not to manipulate.
But to meet them where they are.
Because real decisions are not made in emotional highs.
And they are not made in emotional lows.
They happen in the middle.
Neutral.
Centered.
Clear-headed.
Unrushed.
That is where commitment lives.
That is where regret disappears.
When a buyer chooses from neutral,
it becomes their decision.
Not yours.
And that is the only kind that sticks.
Pendulums do not stop because you hold them still.
They stop because you stop touching them.
Let it settle.
Let them find their own footing.
And when they do,
you will be right where you need to be.
P.S.
If this felt more like psychology than sales, that would be good.
That means you are starting to get it.
The Buyer Shrink
🛋️ Guilty until proven innocent