You Don’t Have to Be Okay. You Don’t Have to Be Perfect.
Not imperfection. Just the power of being not okay.
From the moment we’re born, we’re trained to need.
We need to be liked.
We need to be heard.
We need to be seen as smart, capable, in control.
Not because we’re self-absorbed—
because deep down, we believe that being okay earns us safety.
As kids, being okay meant being protected.
As adults, it’s how we try to earn acceptance, respect, love, deals.
So we perform.
We smile when we’re unsure.
We answer before we’re ready.
We pitch like our credibility depends on it.
And in doing so, we confuse neediness for presence.
The performance of “okay” creates emotional static
We’ve all seen it.
Someone walks into the room and everything about them screams:
“I’ve got it together.”
And immediately, something in you tightens.
Because when someone looks that okay,
we instinctively become less okay ourselves.
We raise our guard.
We speak less freely.
We trust more slowly.
Not because they’re wrong.
But because they’re unreadable.
We don’t trust polish.
We trust humanness.
Being not okay is not weakness. It’s leverage.
You don’t need to be broken.
You just need to stop trying so hard to seem fine.
There’s a story I’ll never forget.
A woman walked into a high-stakes deal—
thirty-five grand on the table.
She had the talk track. The numbers. The prep.
But she dropped her purse.
Papers went everywhere. Chaos.
And something incredible happened.
The room relaxed.
The buyer laughed.
The tone changed.
Because her mask slipped.
And in doing so, theirs could too.
She didn’t lose control.
She invited connection.
That wasn’t a gimmick.
That was the power of being not okay.
This isn’t just sales. This is life.
You don’t win trust by trying to be perfect.
You win trust by being just safe enough
for the other person to tell the truth.
And that shows up everywhere.
Not just on discovery calls.
But in hard conversations with friends.
In moments of tension with your partner.
In the gap between "I'm fine" and what's really going on.
Being not okay makes space for others to be honest.
And honesty is what moves things forward.
Try this instead
Next time you're about to speak just to sound composed,
ask this:
“I may be off here—but what are the top things on your mind right now?”
And then… let it sit.
You’ll be shocked what comes out
when you stop trying to be okay long enough
for someone else to feel safe being real.
P.S.
We don’t perform here.
We don’t polish things to impress.
We write for the ones learning to stop earning love, trust, and yeses—
by pretending they’ve got it all figured out.
Because “not okay” might be the most honest place you ever sell from.
—The Buyer Shrink
🛋️ Guilty until proven innocent.